I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
