I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
3 2 1 whiskey
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
