They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
