So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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