We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you never un-have a 4some
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
