Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
