I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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