...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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