O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
