I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
