Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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