can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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