remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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