so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
