Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there's paper in my vomit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
