Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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