I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
