Will you blow on my dice?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
