i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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