btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
