My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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