the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
