We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
