3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
