I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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