And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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