hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
