sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
