The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
