He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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