I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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