Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
