It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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