My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
