i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
