Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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