at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
