I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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