the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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