The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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