dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
