The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
