I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
