My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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