you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
