If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
