Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
