I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
