lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
