I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
